Boredom. Not good. Idk what my problem is... I shouldn't be bored. I shouldn't have nothing to do that I'm sitting on the computer in the middle of the day playing stupid facebook games just to have something to do. It's either this or sit and watch whatever crap my husband hogs the TV all weekend long to watch. I'm so SICK of sitting and doing nothing. It's all I amount to, it seems. Wasting space on the fucking couch. Maybe I'll cook or clean a little bit, but rest assured, an hour later, I'm exhausting and needing a break. Ugh. I HATE this.
I have PLENTY to do, don't get me wrong.... But I just don't want to do any of it. And I'd like to work on some things WITH my husband. He's quite content sitting on the couch all weekend and at night during the week, too. He works all week, so who can blame him? (For the record, he helps me out if I ask or sometimes even when I don't, but that doesn't always make me feel better - sometimes it just makes me feel like a failure b/c then I really DO feel like I don't do anything if he's gotta do it...)
And I'm so sick of amounting to housework. Isn't that I went to college and took out over 40k in loans to earn a fucking degree? Why on earth am I amounting to laundry, sleeping all day, and BOREDOM - and the occasional breakdown from simply BEING so bored?
This entire weekend, I've maybe spent 3 hours doing something productive. A good chunk was asking my husband what he wanted to do, to which he never had an answer, and the rest moving from sitting on the couch, to sitting on the desktop, to skyping my cousin's husband on the laptop. My cousin, having just started her latest, most intense round of chemo feel asleep just as we signed on. =/ It's no wonder my body feels like it's deteriorating. It's probably actually is.
We don't go for walks, he only did the yoga thing with me once, we hardly ever go anywhere to just look around at stuff. So here I sit. Amounting to nothing. Waiting to have a child, so I can be left all alone in a foreign country to raise her by myself because our luck is just THAT fucking amazing. He couldn't have gotten picked when he volunteered to go, no, he has to go just a few weeks after his baby is born. Thanks a lot, life. Thanks.
We have, what? A little over 2 months left - if we're lucky - and he's watching TV on the couch while I sit on the computer in the other room quite literally bored to tears.
This is awesome.
...And it doesn't help worrying about my cousin and her hubby. It really is a miracle I haven't gone into preterm labor with all the shit that keeps happening.
1 comment:
girl I am about to empty out my savings account, quit my job, jump on a plane and fly over there just to give you a great big hug!
This is one of those times where I really dont know what to say, I have no advice to give, only kind words and an ear to listen, and eyes to read.
Just know I am sending you hugs from here and know that your loved. Have you tried taking to KR about this? maybe he doesnt know how you're feeling. maybe he just needs to be reminded that you need help and a partner to do things with.
I know your not wild about mommy groups but I think having other people in the same situation as you might help. I know you dont have a baby to take with you to playdates yet, but trust me, playdates are more for moms to get together then the kids.
skype or oovoo me anytime you need to talk!
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