Forgive me, it's 1am, I'm tired, so chances are I'm just going to ramble.
Also, I apologize for the whining/rawr of the previous entry. Boredom + pregnancy hormones + emotions = bad news bears. The rest of the week has been well, though some bumps in progress for my cousin, keeping our fingers crossed ad prayers going for that.
Baby's 36 week appointment went well, though apparently I am measuring a TAD big - but still within range. Next appointment will be May 2, then every week after that.
I don't really know what happened to the rest of the week, though, as it didn't seem like we really did much...
I am definitely starting to slow down, generally am more tired and more uncomfortable, and officially am full term. When the EFF did that happen?! And why so quickly??
That means we're just over 2 months from KR's leaving. =/ Suck it, life. I hate you.
Got my driver's license here - still haven't driven. Another friend of our's headed back to the states on Thursday... Kinda jealous, but still not ready to go.
It's been too warm here... I don't like it. Definitely not looking forward to summer... the blackout curtains help tremendously, but it's STILL ridiculously warm when it's only 75 outside. Boo.
Ok, my brain is fuzz. I think it's time for bed.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Wa,wa,wa, I'm a little bitch.
Boredom. Not good. Idk what my problem is... I shouldn't be bored. I shouldn't have nothing to do that I'm sitting on the computer in the middle of the day playing stupid facebook games just to have something to do. It's either this or sit and watch whatever crap my husband hogs the TV all weekend long to watch. I'm so SICK of sitting and doing nothing. It's all I amount to, it seems. Wasting space on the fucking couch. Maybe I'll cook or clean a little bit, but rest assured, an hour later, I'm exhausting and needing a break. Ugh. I HATE this.
I have PLENTY to do, don't get me wrong.... But I just don't want to do any of it. And I'd like to work on some things WITH my husband. He's quite content sitting on the couch all weekend and at night during the week, too. He works all week, so who can blame him? (For the record, he helps me out if I ask or sometimes even when I don't, but that doesn't always make me feel better - sometimes it just makes me feel like a failure b/c then I really DO feel like I don't do anything if he's gotta do it...)
And I'm so sick of amounting to housework. Isn't that I went to college and took out over 40k in loans to earn a fucking degree? Why on earth am I amounting to laundry, sleeping all day, and BOREDOM - and the occasional breakdown from simply BEING so bored?
This entire weekend, I've maybe spent 3 hours doing something productive. A good chunk was asking my husband what he wanted to do, to which he never had an answer, and the rest moving from sitting on the couch, to sitting on the desktop, to skyping my cousin's husband on the laptop. My cousin, having just started her latest, most intense round of chemo feel asleep just as we signed on. =/ It's no wonder my body feels like it's deteriorating. It's probably actually is.
We don't go for walks, he only did the yoga thing with me once, we hardly ever go anywhere to just look around at stuff. So here I sit. Amounting to nothing. Waiting to have a child, so I can be left all alone in a foreign country to raise her by myself because our luck is just THAT fucking amazing. He couldn't have gotten picked when he volunteered to go, no, he has to go just a few weeks after his baby is born. Thanks a lot, life. Thanks.
We have, what? A little over 2 months left - if we're lucky - and he's watching TV on the couch while I sit on the computer in the other room quite literally bored to tears.
This is awesome.
...And it doesn't help worrying about my cousin and her hubby. It really is a miracle I haven't gone into preterm labor with all the shit that keeps happening.
I have PLENTY to do, don't get me wrong.... But I just don't want to do any of it. And I'd like to work on some things WITH my husband. He's quite content sitting on the couch all weekend and at night during the week, too. He works all week, so who can blame him? (For the record, he helps me out if I ask or sometimes even when I don't, but that doesn't always make me feel better - sometimes it just makes me feel like a failure b/c then I really DO feel like I don't do anything if he's gotta do it...)
And I'm so sick of amounting to housework. Isn't that I went to college and took out over 40k in loans to earn a fucking degree? Why on earth am I amounting to laundry, sleeping all day, and BOREDOM - and the occasional breakdown from simply BEING so bored?
This entire weekend, I've maybe spent 3 hours doing something productive. A good chunk was asking my husband what he wanted to do, to which he never had an answer, and the rest moving from sitting on the couch, to sitting on the desktop, to skyping my cousin's husband on the laptop. My cousin, having just started her latest, most intense round of chemo feel asleep just as we signed on. =/ It's no wonder my body feels like it's deteriorating. It's probably actually is.
We don't go for walks, he only did the yoga thing with me once, we hardly ever go anywhere to just look around at stuff. So here I sit. Amounting to nothing. Waiting to have a child, so I can be left all alone in a foreign country to raise her by myself because our luck is just THAT fucking amazing. He couldn't have gotten picked when he volunteered to go, no, he has to go just a few weeks after his baby is born. Thanks a lot, life. Thanks.
We have, what? A little over 2 months left - if we're lucky - and he's watching TV on the couch while I sit on the computer in the other room quite literally bored to tears.
This is awesome.
...And it doesn't help worrying about my cousin and her hubby. It really is a miracle I haven't gone into preterm labor with all the shit that keeps happening.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Stressed!!!
Please keep my cousin, Carina, and her husband John in your prayers.
Her cancer is back, and she's still very weak from the last round of chemo and all the infections she got.
We got a message from John this morning asking if there was ANY way we'd be able to fly home to go visit her, and it was so chilling that I could not grasp whether it was real or a dream - "they say" she's not strong enough for chemo, but without it, the cancer will kill her. In any case, flying home is not an option for quite some time, and that breaks my heart. I have to keep this all factual, too, because if I let the emotions in there, I risk un-necessary stress on our baby girl and even preterm labor... So I try to know without knowing, but I think I'm starting to understand where all my scary dreams are coming from.
Her cancer is back, and she's still very weak from the last round of chemo and all the infections she got.
We got a message from John this morning asking if there was ANY way we'd be able to fly home to go visit her, and it was so chilling that I could not grasp whether it was real or a dream - "they say" she's not strong enough for chemo, but without it, the cancer will kill her. In any case, flying home is not an option for quite some time, and that breaks my heart. I have to keep this all factual, too, because if I let the emotions in there, I risk un-necessary stress on our baby girl and even preterm labor... So I try to know without knowing, but I think I'm starting to understand where all my scary dreams are coming from.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
To stay or to go.
Well, things are certainly starting to get absolutely bonkers. Last weekend was already almost a week ago, and everything went well, I'm glad to say. The house got a good scrub down, company was laid back and fun, and I completed crashed Sunday after spending 2.5 days running around cleaning and organizing and everything else. I am just barely starting to recover.
Next week is another busy week. Babysitting tomorrow night, shower Saturday, Monday we've gotta pick up my passport, Wednesday is my driver's test, Thursday is a class at the hospital, and Friday is my eye appointment. Phew.
I found new incentive to stay here and work: TRAVELING. We got the Kabel yesterday, and stupidly I perused through the magazine to see what trips were going to be happening in April & May, even though I totally knew I wouldn't be able to go on them.
And what did I find?
A dream come true trip that is only being offered this ONE time, and I swear I actually cried because I knew I wouldn't be able to go.
It would be a drive to Salzburg, Austria, a tour of some of the different places the movie was filmed at, including the gazebo where they filmed Going on 17, the lake everyone fell in, a look at their house, the church they filmed the wedding in, and the pathway Julie Andrews skipped up on her way up to the family's house. Not to mention walking time around Salzburg, overnight in a 4 star hotel, and another stop in another very long hard-to-pronounce town.
Seriously, you don't even know how badly I would LOVE to take this tour/trip. This being my favorite movie starring with my most respected actress/singer. If they offer this again, I WOULD go with my baby and be "that parent."
So that got me thinking. After KR gets back, we want to travel Europe, since we'll be PCSing in May or so of next year, and we have a nice long list of places we really want to go to, and know we will hardly ever be able to afford to come back to Europe unless we got based here again - the extent of the trips, of course, depending on fundage. However, if I STAYED here and worked, half my money would be to pay off my school loans, and the other half would be pure savings, aka TRAVELING. Then KR's paycheck could go to our REAL savings account. Oh, God, how TEMPTING that is!!!
However, it is really daunting thinking of all that frivolous traveling when we might not even get a paycheck next Friday due to a possible gov't shutdown. I love how leave is canceled and military members are forced to continue working; however, they won't receive their pay until a budget is passed.
And yet, companies like GE, makes over $10 billion dollars in pure profit, pay ZERO taxes on it, and still rake in $3.5 billion dollars worth of TAX BREAKS - which essentially means: The money we paid in taxes went to a company that already pocketed billions of dollars, instead of the health, safety, education, military and infrastructure of our beautiful country that desperately need attention and funding to function 100%.
And that was my political-ness for the day.
Hard to be indifferent when your livelihood depends on it, and you barely make above the level of poverty.
Next week is another busy week. Babysitting tomorrow night, shower Saturday, Monday we've gotta pick up my passport, Wednesday is my driver's test, Thursday is a class at the hospital, and Friday is my eye appointment. Phew.
I found new incentive to stay here and work: TRAVELING. We got the Kabel yesterday, and stupidly I perused through the magazine to see what trips were going to be happening in April & May, even though I totally knew I wouldn't be able to go on them.
And what did I find?
A dream come true trip that is only being offered this ONE time, and I swear I actually cried because I knew I wouldn't be able to go.
A Sound of Music themed overnight tour!
It would be a drive to Salzburg, Austria, a tour of some of the different places the movie was filmed at, including the gazebo where they filmed Going on 17, the lake everyone fell in, a look at their house, the church they filmed the wedding in, and the pathway Julie Andrews skipped up on her way up to the family's house. Not to mention walking time around Salzburg, overnight in a 4 star hotel, and another stop in another very long hard-to-pronounce town.
Seriously, you don't even know how badly I would LOVE to take this tour/trip. This being my favorite movie starring with my most respected actress/singer. If they offer this again, I WOULD go with my baby and be "that parent."
So that got me thinking. After KR gets back, we want to travel Europe, since we'll be PCSing in May or so of next year, and we have a nice long list of places we really want to go to, and know we will hardly ever be able to afford to come back to Europe unless we got based here again - the extent of the trips, of course, depending on fundage. However, if I STAYED here and worked, half my money would be to pay off my school loans, and the other half would be pure savings, aka TRAVELING. Then KR's paycheck could go to our REAL savings account. Oh, God, how TEMPTING that is!!!
However, it is really daunting thinking of all that frivolous traveling when we might not even get a paycheck next Friday due to a possible gov't shutdown. I love how leave is canceled and military members are forced to continue working; however, they won't receive their pay until a budget is passed.
And yet, companies like GE, makes over $10 billion dollars in pure profit, pay ZERO taxes on it, and still rake in $3.5 billion dollars worth of TAX BREAKS - which essentially means: The money we paid in taxes went to a company that already pocketed billions of dollars, instead of the health, safety, education, military and infrastructure of our beautiful country that desperately need attention and funding to function 100%.
And that was my political-ness for the day.
Hard to be indifferent when your livelihood depends on it, and you barely make above the level of poverty.
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